I was wrong. About a robotic cat. I declare this happily and with feelings of gratitude. I’d shout it from the rooftops if I could--because of what it means. Here’s the scoop. First, a little context: I’m wrong often. Wrong about big things, small things, meaningless things, and meaningful …
Three Words Drastically Improved Our Life With Dementia
Mom’s life with dementia is the ultimate team effort. Lindsay, my uncle, Mom’s friends, the wonderful staff at her assisted living community and I are all part of Mom's team--with important roles to play. Mom’s demeanor is our scoreboard. Her smiles and laughs are the trophies we play for. In …
Can There Be Beauty in Dementia?
How can there be beauty in dementia? Those two words don’t belong in the same sentence. Alzheimer’s disease, vascular dementia, Lewy body dementia, frontotemporal dementia--they’re all uniquely ugly conditions. Each one wages a dastardly war on the person living with the disease and all who love …
I Feel Like A Failure
Caregiving makes me feel like a failure. I’ve always been afraid of failure. I haven’t always known that about myself, but now I do. It's been said that living through a difficult time provides perspective. For better (hopefully) or for worse, you come out on the other end seeing things a bit …
5 Things Not To Say To The Dementia Caregiver In Your Life
If you have a dementia caregiver in your life, you have two jobs: Reduce their stress and make them feel supported. It’s not to fix and it’s definitely not to add to their stress. Make them feel supported and reduce stress. That’s it. Seems simple, huh? I get that it’s not. On one hand, all …
The First Time Mom Didn’t Recognize Me
Picking up the phone to tap the first contact in my 'favorites,' a familiar little pang shot through my chest. The phone has been an ongoing source of difficulty for Mom, and each time I call, I get that little pang. And then my palms get a little sweaty and my heartbeat quickens. Not a lot, just …
The Blessing and Curse of Routine in Our Caregiving Life
Routine is a blessing and a curse in our caregiving life. It keeps us sane and drives us crazy. It is our double-edged caregiving sword. Every day we live by it and some days we think we’ll die from it. In Mom’s case, it goes something like this: We speak before breakfast, usually around …
Choice of Words Matters in Dementia
Choice of words matters. Lots. We know this in the broader context of life. But when it comes to how we refer to or communicate with or describe people living with dementia (PLWD), less so. To explain what I mean, why I think it matters, and what I (and we) can do about it, I’ll back …
A Letter To My Pre-Caregiving Self
If I were to write a letter to myself before caregiving, here's what I'd write. Dear Matt, You can do this. The caregiving road you’re about to walk will be at once the scariest, saddest, most stressful, and most beautiful journey you’ll ever make. But you can do this. I know it seems …
