Choice of words matters. Lots. We know this in the broader context of life. But when it comes to how we refer to or communicate with or describe people living with dementia (PLWD), less so. To explain what I mean, why I think it matters, and what I (and we) can do about it, I’ll back …
A Letter To My Pre-Caregiving Self
If I were to write a letter to myself before caregiving, here's what I'd write. Dear Matt, You can do this. The caregiving road you’re about to walk will be at once the scariest, saddest, most stressful, and most beautiful journey you’ll ever make. But you can do this. I know it seems …
The Day I (Really) Became Mom’s Caregiver
This was the day I officially became Mom's caregiver. The alarm woke me at 5:30. Outside, it was cold, dark and quiet, a typical mid-October morning. As quickly and quietly as I could, I hit the shower, grabbed some breakfast and got on the road. It was a Wednesday morning, but I wasn’t going to …
The Ugly Truth of My Caregiver Burnout (and How I Fight It)
This is the truth of my caregiver burnout. Hard to recognize, harder to solve, and impossible to run from. It is frightening, lonesome, ugly and all mine. The world around me continues to move along but I am defeated. Mentally and physically defeated, unable to muster the required effort to …
Three Things I Learned From Mom’s First Year in Assisted Living
The day I moved Mom into Assisted Living is still with me. It’s a scratch and sniff polaroid of a memory pinned to my forehead. Unlike other memories because of how holistically vivid it is. I remember every look, sound, and smell as if it were all happening in slow motion. Too Vivid Mom’s …
David the Shoe Salesman, an Act of Kindness and Faith Restored.
Dear David - Your act of kindness yesterday left what will be an everlasting imprint in my memory. If not for her Alzheimer’s, you would’ve stamped Mom’s memory too. We were leaving her neurologist’s office when Mom mentioned to me that she’d like some new everyday shoes. All things considered, …
Dementia and Unexpected Life Lessons
I am surrounded by dementia. I loathe it with a silent hostility so consuming and unfamiliar that at times I barely recognize myself -- yet I feel thankful for the life lessons that have come with the cruelty. It’s all very confusing. Origins and implications My hatred is of simple origin. Mom …
Alzheimer’s and New Meaning to ‘Once a Nurse, Always a Nurse’
Once a nurse, always a nurse. Mom used to tell me that but now Alzheimer's is giving it an entirely new meaning. Learning to roll with Mom’s Alzheimer's reality was one of the earliest and hardest lessons I learned as her caregiver. Our reality, now that she is living with Alzheimer's, is that …
Caregiving and My Unearned Guilt Trip
Caring for Mom is a never ending guilt trip. Scratch that--it’s a never ending unearned guilt trip...if I let it be. So I don’t anymore. Do you know what unearned guilt is? I didn’t know until Mom and I were well down the path of our life with dementia. In plain terms to me, it’s when I feel …
