I am surrounded by dementia. I loathe it with a silent hostility so consuming and unfamiliar that at times I barely recognize myself -- yet I feel thankful for the life lessons that have come with the cruelty. It’s all very confusing. Origins and implications My hatred is of simple origin. Mom …
Alzheimer’s and New Meaning to ‘Once a Nurse, Always a Nurse’
Once a nurse, always a nurse. Mom used to tell me that but now Alzheimer's is giving it an entirely new meaning. Learning to roll with Mom’s Alzheimer's reality was one of the earliest and hardest lessons I learned as her caregiver. Our reality, now that she is living with Alzheimer's, is that …
Caregiving and My Unearned Guilt Trip
Caring for Mom is a never ending guilt trip. Scratch that--it’s a never ending unearned guilt trip...if I let it be. So I don’t anymore. Do you know what unearned guilt is? I didn’t know until Mom and I were well down the path of our life with dementia. In plain terms to me, it’s when I feel …
Mom’s Dementia Look
No matter where Mom is, she’ll talk to anyone. She’s always been that way. In the waiting room at the doctor’s office? She’s making conversation. Walking down the street? She’s looking to engage. God help you if you’re seated next to her on a plane and want to keep to yourself. She’ll get …
Non-Verbal Communication And How I Became a Better Caregiver.
At a time when our dementia world seemed to be growing darker by the day, waking up to the importance of non-verbal communication gave me light. I wish I had realized it earlier, for Mom and Steve’s sake (as well as my own), but for right now, like everything else on this journey, I’m thankful to …
What is Hospice? Now I Really Know.
What is hospice? If I were asked this question three months ago, my answer would have been one word. Scary. Because until recently, all I knew about hospice was that it was associated with the end of someone’s life. And death has scared me for as long as I can remember. My first …
One Caregiving Question I Can’t Shake
The caregiving gift I want but know I can never have is certainty. I’ve learned to live with it for the most part, with the exception of one question. One lingering, at times haunting, question. See, my dementia caregiving days are full of questions with no certain answers. Only assumptions, …
To The Person In The Starbucks Parking Lot: I’m Sorry
Sometimes we just need to say 'I'm sorry', so here goes. Dear Person in the Starbucks Parking Lot, It wasn’t you, it was me. And I’m sorry. You probably remember, but last Friday was a bright and sunny day that felt more like October than early January. The parking lot at our Starbucks is …
A Letter To Mom
Dear Mom, You are the best dementia fighter I know. Dementia doesn’t define you, it’s just (a small) part of your story. Your love and determination to live life, your best life, make that so. But even the best fighter has a bad day here and there. Even Muhammad Ali lost the occasional fight …
