I am surrounded by dementia. I loathe it with a silent hostility so consuming and unfamiliar that at times I barely recognize myself -- yet I feel thankful for the life lessons that have come with the cruelty. It’s all very confusing. Origins and implications My hatred is of simple origin. Mom …
Alzheimer’s and New Meaning to ‘Once a Nurse, Always a Nurse’
Once a nurse, always a nurse. Mom used to tell me that but now Alzheimer's is giving it an entirely new meaning. Learning to roll with Mom’s Alzheimer's reality was one of the earliest and hardest lessons I learned as her caregiver. Our reality, now that she is living with Alzheimer's, is that …
Caregiving and My Unearned Guilt Trip
Caring for Mom is a never ending guilt trip. Scratch that--it’s a never ending unearned guilt trip...if I let it be. So I don’t anymore. Do you know what unearned guilt is? I didn’t know until Mom and I were well down the path of our life with dementia. In plain terms to me, it’s when I feel …
One Thing You Can Do Today to Help the Caregiver in Your Life
Want to know one thing you can do today to help the caregiver in your life? Listen. Just listen. Simple, right? In some ways, yes. In others? Not so much. But it is one thing you can do to help the caregiver in your life more than you’ll ever realize. And you can do it today. A quick …
One Caregiving Question I Can’t Shake
The caregiving gift I want but know I can never have is certainty. I’ve learned to live with it for the most part, with the exception of one question. One lingering, at times haunting, question. See, my dementia caregiving days are full of questions with no certain answers. Only assumptions, …
A Letter To Mom
Dear Mom, You are the best dementia fighter I know. Dementia doesn’t define you, it’s just (a small) part of your story. Your love and determination to live life, your best life, make that so. But even the best fighter has a bad day here and there. Even Muhammad Ali lost the occasional fight …
Mom’s Dementia, Caregiving, And My Fulfillment
“We Plan, Mom's Dementia Laughs” --English translation of the Yiddish proverb, adapted just for us My day-to-day caregiving plan generally consists of only a few priorities. Stay positive. Actively listen to Mom. And stay positive. I focus on these basics and fill in the blanks based on what a …
14 Minutes, 37 Seconds and a Microcosm of My Life as an Alzheimer’s Caregiver
Mom and I spoke a couple of times last Wednesday as we normally do. The morning was a brief hello while the evening was a bit longer. 14 minutes and 37 seconds to be exact and the conversation was a perfect microcosm of the gut-wrenching emotional and sensory roller-coaster that is my Alzheimer’s …
Mom, Her Dementia, And Her Grandchildren
The relationship between Mom, her dementia and her grandchildren is beautiful, sad, and frustrating all at once. It's like New England weather--complicated. And also like New England weather, it is ever changing, whether I want it to or not. Shortly after seven o’clock on a recent Tuesday night, …
